Ingredient #2 - Kindness (Love - Part 4)

"...love is kind..."

I Corinthians 13:4

If she said it once, my mother said it a thousand times - "You treat your friends better than your sisters!"  Now, I can quote my mom here or I can own the statement, as I'm sure my children have heard this declaration leap from my lips in the past.  But it's a very true statement - families tend to treat others with more kindness than they treat themselves.

Really, Kristen?  I don't think that happens in our home.

How about a few examples?

• Do your children fight over where they sit in the car?  Do they fight with their friends over where they sit in their car? at school? when the friend comes over to your house?
• Last doughnut in the box on the kitchen counter.  Do your children offer it to their siblings or snatch it away without a thought?  How about when a friend is over?  Do they offer the doughnut to them first?
• Do your children call each other names? Do they call their friends those same names?
• Okay, time to really get personal - wives...how quick are you to forgive your husband?  Do you need a cool down time so that he can sit in the awareness of what he's done to you?  How about with friends? Do you forgive quickly when they ask forgiveness or do you make them suffer a bit, too?
• Husbands - are you as impatient with your co-workers when they tell you a story as you are with your wife when you get home?  Do you turn up the volume on your computer when they're talking to you, like you do on the television when you're wife is talking to you?
• Believers - why is it easier to forgive and extend kindness towards an unbeliever but when someone in the church hurts you, you struggle to get over it?  

The second ingredient we are now going to add to our pot is kindness.  Kindness is defined as being considerate, helpful and generous by nature.  So what are some acts of kindness?

• giving up your seat on a crowded bus to a pregnant woman
• picking up the tab for dinner when out with friends or inviting someone to your home for dinner
• doing something to be helpful for someone in your house - cleaning, organizing, reading, finding, washing, editing, head-massaging (I threw that in just in case my daughters were reading this)
• using edifying words rather than critical words

So, considerate, helpful and generous acts of kindness should flow out of your love.  It's easy to love our friends, because we don't live with them.  But day in and day out, through the good and the bad, to show kindness to our family when sometimes they are just downright annoying - that's true love.  And showing kindness to our enemies?  Is that even possible?

By the way, kindness has been modeled to you:

• "The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His deeds." (Psalms 145:17)
• "For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared,  He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy..." (Titus 3:3-5) 
• ^"Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?" (Romans 2:4)

God is considerate (sending His Son), helpful (sending His Son) and generous by nature (sending His Son).  His kindness towards us leads us to repentance and salvation. And remember, even while we were His enemies, Jesus died for us (Romans 5:10).  So if we desire to imitate Christ and be conformed into His image, we need to foster a considerate, helpful generosity towards not just our friends and family, but also towards our enemies.

A person who has experienced the kindness of God has the ability ( through the power of the Holy Spirit), the desire (to be like Jesus) and the motivation (glorify the Father) to be kind. It's a gospel concept, friends.  Choose to be kind.  

Choose to be considerate of all people - after all, they are image bearers of God, just as you are.  Don't grab that last doughnut, don't hog the remote and don't push your way to the front of the line.  Put others before yourself - be considerate of others feelings, circumstances and limitations.

Choose to be helpful - last week I saw an elderly man frantically searching the pharmacy shelves for something.  After a few minutes, I walked over to him and asked if I could help him find something.  Of course, as my life would have it, he needed to find the stool softener - but in God's gracious timing, it was right within my reach and that awkward moment was over quickly.  But it was an act of kindness - seeing a need and being helpful - being the arms of Jesus.   Friends, be aware of your surroundings and be helpful.  

And finally, choose to be generous - with your time, your money, your energy, your smiles and hugs, your home, your talents and your life.  You have been greatly provided for and as you steward His resources, be generous with them.  

Kindness like this is only going to make your love richer, deeper and more Christ-like.

Ingredient #1 - Patience (Love - Part 3)

"Love is patient..."

I Corinthians 13:4

Learning to tie your shoes - I'm not sure who it's more frustrating for, the one learning or the one teaching.  But it definitely is a picture of patience...no, wait!  We have velcro now, so patience is really not necessary.

Our first ingredient that we toss in our 11 quart pot is patience.  It's interesting to me that patience is the first on the list, since it is a rare ingredient to find in the world of character development.  I think it's because love needs a lot of patience.  It reminds me of ingredient lists on food products, where the largest ingredient is listed first.  Is it possible that patience might really be that important?

Patient defined:  bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc. with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger or the like. (dictionary.com)

When we read that love is patient, we get the first hint of the sacrificial nature of love.  Provocation, annoyance, hardship, pain - in a relationship where these aspects are evident, only a loving response could produce patience.  The picture of a parent teaching their child to tie their shoe is not really the crisis that demands patience. So to flesh this out, let's look at Jesus first.

In a discourse encouraging people to honor authority, especially unjust authority, Peter uses Jesus as our ultimate example:

"For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience towards God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.  For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience?  But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.  For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth, and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed."  I Peter 2:19-24

Enduring harsh treatment with patience, do what is right and patiently endure suffering, follow in His steps, no sin, no deceit, no reviling, entrusting Himself to His Father - these are all results of applying patience.  In Jesus's life, He endured much by setting his eyes on the Father.  He came to do the will of the Father (John 6:38) and in John 8:29, Jesus says this:  "And He who sent me is with Me; He has not left Me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to Him."  Jesus set His eyes on pleasing the Father, knowing He was not alone, and having patience - not lashing out in anger, not showing weakness or anxiousness, or complaining, but quiet strength which trusts God's timing in all things - having patience, Jesus completed the will of the Father through His death.

So how are you with patience?  Ask someone close to you - children, spouse, parent, best friend - Am I a patient person?  How do you see patience or impatience in my life?  Ask yourself, too.  Learning to trust that God is here, He is in control, He has a plan for your life, His timing is perfect - these things will develop patience in your life.

Tips for developing patience:

• When you find yourself impatient - complaining, anxious, frustrated - stop and confess it to the Lord - it is sin, so let's call it what it is
• Choose to love others (love - you before me), patiently, selflessly putting their needs before your own 
• Memorize Colossians 3:1-4 and in times of anxiety, stop, confess and quote - then practice setting your mind on things above
• Give yourself enough time - sometimes we set ourselves up for frustration because we are behind and then someone else's slowness becomes our problem
• Remember Jesus' patience towards you and towards humanity in general (II Peter 3:9)
• Remember, choosing patience is a gospel moment in your life - your motivation is not to "get through it" but to become more like Jesus through it - He has not left you alone, but has given you the Holy Spirit to accomplish this

Okay, now that we've looked at patience, you know what's going to happen?  Get ready, your opportunity to put in into practice is just around the corner!

Foundation First (Love - Part 2)

You are loved.

If you attend a service at almost any Harvest Bible Chapel, these will be the last three words you hear from the stage, and it's quite a statement.

When we first became a Harvest and the pastoral staff started saying this, I was overwhelmed.  I thought it was a bold statement for us to make as a church and, looking around the room, I wasn't sure I loved every person there.  How could we possibly sacrificially put the needs of every person in this room before our own needs? What in the world would this love have to look like?  It took about 2 years for me to realize that the pastors were actually  being pastoral when they said that - they were being prophetic.

They were speaking on behalf of God.

In order for us to study love together, we need to lay a foundation that we can build upon and the foundation is this:  you are loved.  Said another way:  God loves you.  Said in a biblical way:  For God so loved the world that He gave.

When God lays out an instruction for us to live by we must understand it is for our own good, but we also must understand that it flows from His own character.  He doesn't ask us to do anything that He Himself isn't subject to and when it comes to love, His instruction is a simple definition of His character.

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous: love does not brag and is not arrogant..." These beginning statements in I Corinthians 13: 4 could easily be rewritten with "God" exchanged for "love":  "God is patient, God is kind and is not jealous; God does not brag and is not arrogant..." He bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things - He never fails.  I John 4:8 tells us that God is love.

So in laying a foundation, we have to start with the fact that we have already been exposed to perfect love. In my intro blog, I implied that people long for a taste of that love, but truth be known, every day is an opportunity to see and know the love of God.  We just have to recognize it.

In general, God extends His love for us daily by patiently waiting for all to come to repentance - this is why He doesn't bring the final consequence for sin upon the world as we know it - I Peter 3:3-13.  He provides us rain and sunshine alike - Matthew 5:43-48.   James 1:17 tells us that every good thing comes from above - this includes mathematical intellect, physical athleticism, vocal excellence, maternal instincts, skillful carpentry, medical and technical advances, and the list goes on and on.  Why is there so much talent in the world?  Because we are image bearers of God. Not just believers, but all humanity falls in this category.  This is why we celebrate man's achievement - because whether or not they acknowledge it, God has given talents and abilities to humanity as a gift that gives us a tiny glimpse of His glory.  God loves His little image bearers and provides for them, even in a state of rebellion.

The hardship of life comes with the consequences of our sin, and the love of God is all over that as well.  He loves us so much that He sacrificially gave His perfect Son as payment to buy us back from slavery.  An exchange of character - our sin for His righteousness.  Now that's a love that does not brag and is not arrogant but was humility on display.  Hebrews 12:9-11 tells us that He loves us enough to discipline us - for our own good.  Again, it may not seem joyful but sorrowful for the moment, but He trains us by it so that we may share in His holiness.

As we move forward, we must understand and recognize the love of God in our lives because that, and that alone, will be the greatest motivator in our ability to love.  We are commanded to love the Lord our God (Mark 12:30), love our neighbor (Mark 12:31), love our enemies (Luke 6:27),  love one another (John 13:34), love our wives (Eph. 5:25), and love our husbands and children (Titus 2:4).  Really, everyone is covered here, so how can we possibly love everyone in our lives the way God wants us to?

The answer is pretty simple:  "We love, because He first loved us."  I John 4:19

The love of God has been made visible in the life, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.  (I John 4:9) Because of this love, we can now love like Him (I John 2:3-6) by keeping His Word and acting like His Son.  His love has enabled us to love in a way those who do not know Him will never be able to love - selflessly, sacrificially, and completely.

In Luke 7, Jesus finds himself at a dinner with a prominent Pharisee, when suddenly a woman, who was a well-known "sinner", throws herself at His feet, anointing them with perfume and tears.  When the Pharisee questioned Jesus about allowing this woman to do this, Jesus says something life-altering:  "...her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little."

Understanding the forgiveness of God which flows from His love towards us will directly have an impact on our ability to love.  A great way to grow in your love for others is to have a realistic view of yourself. As we begin this study, you will be tempted to compare how you love to those around you - horizontally.  Fight that urge.  Compare yourself vertically - to a perfect God, who loves you perfectly even though you are a perfect sinner.

Foundation - You are loved.  Do you know the truth of that statement personally?

Love Reduction Sauce (Love - Part 1)

My brother-in-law is a French chef.  Yeah, my life is rough.  His first Christmas with the family he feverishly worked the whole day before, roasting, baking, broiling, cutting, chopping, creating and I had the privilege of sitting and watching. At that point he didn't trust me enough to hand me a knife, although I did make the cheesecake dessert.  But he and a friend were a delight to watch.

The highlight of the meal began in a large 11 quart pot like the one above.  It was filled half way with water and put on the flame first thing in the morning on Christmas Eve.  As it came to a boil various cuttings were thrown in throughout the day.  At one point several vegetables were tossed in - carrots, including their long, green, leafy tops, mushrooms, and celery for starters.  Onions were peeled, cut in half, broiled until burned and then tossed in the pot.  Frederic was making a side dish with lobster tails and the parts of the lobster he wasn't using were thrown in the pot, as well as some beef ribs he had roasted for a few hours.

Periodically the pot was strained of it's larger bones and vegetables with a long-handled colander and more water was added.  Then more scraps would be thrown in.  Herbs, seasonings, more vegetables - what I would have normally ground in the disposal, he was throwing in this pot.  By the end of the day,  the pot was strained one final time and filled to the top with more liquid - wine, water, broth, whatever was lying around.  A low flame was left under the pot for the night.

Christmas morning brought great joy, not only in the presence of family and a full Christmas tree, but with the incredible smells of a feast waiting to be consumed.  To my surprise, when I lifted the lid on the 11 quart pot, it was nearly empty!  I got up on my toes to peer into the bottom of the pan where there I found about one and a half inches of a thick, brown sauce.

Quick side note:  Don't ever use the word "gravy" around a French chef. That's a highly offensive Americanism that never graces the lips of true culinary masterminds.  The appropriate word is "sauce."

Now this "sauce" - a reduction sauce, I later learned - was so thick your spoon could stand upright in it.  And it was rich, brown gold!  Oh. My. Dear.  I am not joking, this sauce was like getting a glimpse of the garden of Eden in a pot.  A spoonful on top of your meat and all you wanted was silence and a fork.  It was incredible.

And it should have been - it took 24 hours to make!  When cleaning up, I personally scraped every last smudge of that sauce from the pot and saved it in a tupperware, hiding it in the back of my mother's freezer for the next time I came for a visit.

Yes, I really did that.

Okay, Kristen, get to the point. 

Love is a reduction sauce of sorts, at least according to I Corinthians 13.  It's like taking a big pot of water and adding the following ingredients:  patience, kindness, trust, humility, attractiveness, selflessness, long suffering, forgetfulness, righteousness, big shoulders, belief,  hopefulness and endurance.

But it's not until you put the flame under it that it starts to really get good.  It simmers and then boils, and then everything softens and mushes together, and as the water boils off, what is left is a rich, thick love that most would die to have just one spoonful.  But you don't get it without the heat and in practical terms, the heat is adversity.  When things really get tough, when the heat is turned up, that's when love really starts to mean something - more of the essential ingredients are needed and when added, the end result is a love that never, ever fails.

But today, when the heat is turned up in life - marriage gets hard, temptation gets real, parenting gets difficult, submitting seems like torture, words become abusive, relationships are torn apart - when the heat is turned up, there is suddenly a shortage of ingredients and love comes up short.  It's watery, flavorless and even a plastic spoon doesn't stand a chance.

I'm going to tackle true love here on my blog.  I know I've been pretty unimpressive for the past few months at writing new posts but for those who know me, you know I haven't been sleeping in and eating bon bond...well, maybe a few, but it's time to return.

So buckle your seat belts because we're in for quite a ride.